Blind To My Blessings

I'm always at a loss for words. It's rather daunting sitting down in front of a blank page with that little black line blinking, waiting for you to entertain it with your words. I've always hated that little black line. Probably because I always stare at it when I don't have words or ideas running through my head. I associate it with a blank mind. And by "blank mind" I mean a mind with no productive thoughts. So often times I just sit and start typing the ideas in my head, productive or otherwise, hoping that something will come from this rather monotonous game I play with my brain. It always helps seeing your ideas written in black and white in front of you.
A reoccurring theme in my thought life, one that I am often times utterly blind to, is the fact that I am abundantly blessed. I mean really, really blessed. In this weekend alone I have done things that most people only dream about. Upon my return from Peru this summer I felt this burning sensation in my heart to do things. To better people's lives, to show them the joys that I consider myself entitled to. It may sound like a Coca Cola commercial but I wanted to spread the joy. I wanted to ignite in people the same fire I felt; a fire that only springs from one source; Christ. I pray daily that the flame in my soul doesn't become numb to His gifts. His continuous love and outpouring of things that I am not worthy of. In Psalm 103 it says that, "the Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love". I steadily pray that his abounding love never ceases to amaze me. I have to literally remind myself on an hourly basis to give thanks. I encourage you to do the same.
This may not be what you are thinking about. It may not be what you wanted to hear. You may have wanted me to make you laugh or perhaps even cry. So I'm sorry if this fell short of your expectations. I don't ask that you agree with me or even like what I have to say, but I would kindly ask you to please consider this...

And so it begins.

I suppose I will give this whole blogging thing a try. I've never been one to sit down and write out things that I've been thinking about or reading about (especially since I don't read), or praying about because 99% of the time I just talk to someone about it. I've come to the rather sad realization that I'm not very clever or very cunning so I suppose you could say that I felt overwhelmed when reading other peoples well planned and rather funny blogs. You can imagine my hesitation to start one of my own. As I sat trying to think of something catchy to name my blog, I decided that I should name it as I saw fit. And stop trying to impress people with my cleverness (or stun them with the lack thereof). I spend far too much of my time wondering what people will think of me or what people say about me when I'm not around. I've always wanted to be someone that people talk about and say, "isn't she a nice young lady?" or "what a kind heart she has" or even better "when I grow up, I want to be just like her". Unfortunately, I'll never know what people say about me when I'm not there.
Which leads me to the point of all this rambling, it doesn't matter what people say about me. Or think about me. Or don't think about me. It only matters what the Lord thinks of me. At the end of the day, if everyone in the world loathed me, if He looked down upon me and said, "well done, good and faithful servant" then that's enough. It's a hard thing to grasp and an even harder thing to live by. I tell myself all the time "it doesn't matter what they think, it's only what God thinks that has value", but I find myself believing that less and less as they days pass by. I find myself searching for earthly approval instead of focusing on Him.
So I'm sorry if this blog isn't pleasing to you. Or isn't funny enough. But this is what's been on my mind. What I've been thinking about. And I would kindly ask that you please consider this...